faulker009

Saturday has quickly become my least favorite day of the week. Of course, when I working, the weekend used to be the best time – a time to catch up on the busy week and just enjoy the precious time with my wife and kids. Now, as a member of the unemployed, Saturday is a time to re-live the misery of the previous five days as we analyze my wounds. It usually starts first thing in the morning, with my wife going over a checklist of how the week went. Update on the kids. Check. Update on her work. Check. Maybe a chat about a movie or something in the news. Check. But the whole time, I hear a clock ticking in my head, like I am watching 60 Minutes. Then, as it always does, BOOM -- a bold , underlined , italicized reminder that I am unemployed. Let me make one point very clear, my wife has been the most supportive person during this miserable episode – constantly giving me a positive face and positive reminders of what we have. I know she means well and genuinely understands t...

Performing under pressure in front of a crowd is nothing new to my 12-year old daughter. In fact, just three days ago, her dance troop was the opening act at a packed arena before an NBA game. This afternoon, the crowd was in the hundreds, not thousands, but the pressure felt like no other. It was her school spelling bee, attended by the entire student body. She was one of a dozen participants looking to win the title and represent her school in the district championships. In the past, work has precluded me from being able to attend such events. But as they say, unemployment has its benefits. Like many of us, I’ve enjoyed the National Spelling Bee, watching kids sweat it out and in some cases pass out, from the competition. But I’ve never had anything invested in it. Until now. I can guarantee that being a parent during a spelling bee is 1,000 times worse than being a participant. While I was sweating out EVERY letter, my daughter was calmly cruising through her words. I wa...

When my father passed away nearly eight years ago, I lost a lot. I lost a friend, a father, a fan, but most of all I lost a voice of reason. Many of our conversations included nothing but sports and “how are you”, but somehow I ALWAYS walked away learning something. I learned that reading an online newspaper wasn’t as informative as getting the ink on your hands. I learned that non-fat frozen yogurt was good for you, but ice cream wasn’t. But most of all, I learned about life. One of the many lessons that I still use to this day is when there is a big decision to be made, take a piece of paper and write the good things in one column and the bad things in the other. Majority wins. Well, it’s not always that simple, but it sure does make sense. In the last eight years, I’ve had several opportunities to apply his words, even without being able to hear his voice. A month after he died, I was offered a job to work for his old company. It would’ve meant relocating, my wife leaving...

Did you know that an Eastern King Bed is the same exact size as a Standard King Bed and that a Western King Bed is the same exact size as a California King Bed? Neither did I, until last week. I learned that while searching for a new pair of bed sheets -- my big project for a Wednesday. Not quite a Power Point proposal, but it’s a job. My destination was Bed, Bath & Beyond, where I was fortunate to meet Suzanne. She helped me understand the thread count formula, the higher the better -- the difference between Egyptian Cotton and Italian Cotton, go Egyptian -- and most important where the clearance items are located. While I cruised through the store, I decided to check my email. Good move. While I was comparing colors, I received a reply from the editor of a popular website where I had blindly sent my blog. The way things have gone lately, any email is an exciting moment for me, but when I saw it was from the business world, I kinda expected confetti to fall from the ceili...

Why me? I’m sure those two little words have been uttered by millions of unemployed people in this country just like me. Why did I lose my job? What did I do to deserve this? Will I ever get another chance? Why me? As I sat on my leather couch, watching the Haiti Telethon, featuring two free hours of the top entertainers in the world on my big screen television, all I could think about is, why me? What did I do to deserve a completely different life than those currently suffering from the earthquake in Haiti? I understand that I was born in a country that has more than anyone else in the world. I understand that I worked my rear-end off to gain all of the luxurious possessions that sit around me, from my wife to my children to my big screen television. But why was I born into this life and more importantly, why did I have not have to suffer like the Haitian people? I went to college in Northridge, California, the site of one of this country’s most famous temblors. I lived a m...

I’m guessing that my 12-year old daughter was not the inspiration for the Jackson 5‘s hit Dancin’ Machine, considering that “I” was only six years old when the song came out in 1973. But like the song says, she is “movin and groovin” pretty much every day of the week. Whether it’s in our kitchen or in the dance studio, where she spends more than 12 hours a week, she loves to dance. Hip hop, jazz, pom. You name it, she’s in. Last Friday night, she took on a new kind of dance -- a middle-school dance. My wife and I chaperoned, giving us a night out and giving me a chance to forget that I was unemployed. The theme was 80’s night, which was right up our alley. One of the first songs we heard was Bryan Adams classic, “Heaven”. Except, it wasn’t Bryan Adams. It was a dance version released in 2002 by DJ Sammy and Yanou. Totally not the 80’s. As the evening went on, we heard Journey and Wham, Miley Cyrus and the Black Eyed Peas. Perhaps, the song that got the biggest reaction was...

“AWESOME!” That was my 10-year old son’s reaction at 12:31 this afternoon. No, we were not at Toys R Us or Cold Stone Creamery or even Costco. We had just entered the X-Ray room at a local clinic to take pictures of his injured shoulder. I thought, that he thought, the machine looked really cool, but later he admitted that he was just trying to have a positive attitude. Wow, where did he get that from? At around 10:30, I got a call this morning from my wife, a teacher at his school, that my son had hurt his shoulder playing a game called “Capture the Golden Egg”. Once I detected that there was just concern in her voice and not fear, I reluctantly asked the question that any father of a future major league baseball player would ask, “which shoulder is it?” Unfortunately, it was his throwing shoulder. So I dropped everything I was doing -- actually I’m unemployed, I wasn’t doing anything -- and I called his doctor to make an appointment. Thirty minutes later, I had picked up my...

If there is one thing that I learned from the movie, “My Big Fat Greek Wedding”, it’s that guilt is a dish served by every culture. As the child of an Orthodox Jew and an Italian Catholic, who converted, there was always plenty of guilt in our house. A whole bunch of years later, I have really tried to NOT bring my three kids into that miserable cycle. Of course, that hasn’t stopped me as a parent from feeling the pain. Take this morning as an example. My fifth grade son had an assembly in school where he was being given an award for perfect attendance during the second semester. Nice touch, sure. Pulitzer, not exactly. The FIRST thing he said to me this morning -- at 6:42am -- was, “are you coming to my assembly today?” In a deep daze, I replied, “I really don’t want to sit there for 45 minutes to hear the names of a bunch of kids I don’t know.” That sound you hear is my “father of the year” nomination flying out the window. An hour later, I dropped my son off at school. T...

According to webmd.com, there are no fewer than 24 medications for depression. They run from A to Z, or technically Adapin to Zoloft. I am happy to say that medications have not been part of my diet during my 25 years of employment OR 14 months of unemployment, but in the last year, there have been days where I could’ve used the positive energy boost in my Jamba Juice. Today was one of those days, but instead of giving Amitrityline or Imipramine a taste, I used a prescription that wasn’t on the list --- Madden. As in, Madden 2009, the video game. Today’s mood swing was a quick one, but thankfully it was adjusted with the help of the Wii, instead of a dose of Wellbutrin. My son and I completed a game where the Colts defeated the Chargers 34-30 on a last-second hail mary. The outcome was insignificant, to me, but in less than 20 minutes, one game of Madden picked up my attitude quicker than Lexapro or Norpramin. And with none of those amazing side effects that make us all giggle...

It’s amazing how much we all want to be someone else. Whether it’s somebody with a better job. Somebody with a nicer house. Somebody with a better looking mate. The grass is truly greener on the other side, right? This week, while I was searching for a job, I spoke with three different friends all searching for their happy ending. There is my friend who took a “dream-job” a year ago that has turned into a nightmare. Everything it was supposed to be, it is not. Micromanaged to the paper-clip. My phone said that I spoke to my friend for 64 minutes and 26 seconds. Hearing the pain in his voice made it seem like a lot longer. And let me tell you, this is a VERY accomplished person, who has succeeded in every job he has had. But now, for the first time in his life, his career is a job. Friend #2 is somebody who several years ago decided to pursue a graduate degree to take on a job that would help her husband and kids live a great life. Well, that great life is being live...

Throughout my time as a member of the unemployed, I have had a very good support system. Between my wife, children, mom and a handful of very close friends, not too many days have gone by without a pep talk. I think I’ve heard every cliche in the pep talk handbook, from “just be patient” to “it’s not your fault, the economy is bad” to “nobody hires during December.” “Something good is going to happen.” I’m not sure where I can re-fill my prescription for a bottle of faith, but for the most part all the pep talks must be working. I’m still standing, right? Well, this morning I woke up to the extended re-mix version of the pep talk. “This is going to be our year.” Ok, where do I sign? For 45 minutes my loving wife reminded me that I am good at what I do, reminded me that I have a wife and three children who love me and most of all reminded me that I was still unemployed. Of course the last part wasn’t her intention, but as anybody who goes through a breakup knows, it doesn’t ta...

To this day, I still worship side one of Men At Work’s Business As Usual. Side one, wow! Can somebody get my walker. From the first drumbeat of “Who Can It Be Now?”, I was hooked. I’ve always been a little bit of non-conformist, so for me tracks two and four -- the ones that did NOT get much airplay -- were my favorites. I must’ve listened to that cassette more than 1000 times. Well, this morning at the gym, with my ipod on shuffle, two different songs from Men At Work came on and within seconds, I was back in my high school bedroom dreaming of what will be. Of course at 17, those dreams included girls, money, girls, a job making money and a family. Here we are 25 years later and I have it all -- except the job. A great wife. Three great kids. Money in the bank. But no job. I believe it was Meat Loaf who said two out of three ain’t bad, so by my calculations, three out of four is even better. And it is. For the last year, I’ve been at home with the family, with all th...

In the last decade, Starbucks has taught us more new words than Webster. There’s Baristas and Frappuccinos, Tazo and Vivanno. During final exams in college, I drank “a lot” of coffee, but a latte, never heard of it. Of course, if you are looking for a lot of coffee now at Starbucks, don’t order a tall or even a large (grande). You’ll need to get the Venti. (For the record, there is no result for Venti at dictionary.com.) During this time of unemployment, I have done my best to stay away from Starbucks. If I am ordering a $4 drink, I want a little umbrella to come with it. But this week, I decided to meet an old colleague for coffee at Starbucks to catch up on the good ole days. Little did I know that I would learn another new term -- Ulcerative Colitis. For those of you scoring at home, Ulcerative Colitis is a form of inflammatory bowel disease. That’s the good news. The bad news is my friend was told that this could be the early stage of colon cancer. That announcement wo...

When you’ve been out of the office for as long as I have -- approaching 14 months now -- it’s pretty easy to get excited when a possible job comes your way. It really doesn’t take very much. A phone call, an email... sometimes, even a billboard on the side of the road can give you some hope. Well, last weekend I got a major lead and this time, it wasn’t another mirage. This was the real deal. A former colleague of mine, who has helped me get work in the past, sent me an email asking if I would be interested in a job with him. Interested? Uh, in a word -- of course. The description of the job spoke directly to what I had been doing for the majority of my career. Of course, I have been through this sudoku puzzle before -- job comes my way, I get excited about job, job runs in other direction as quickly as possible. Wow, that reminds me of my dating life in college. Well, this time it felt different. This was my reliable friend, not some temp agency. That was Saturday. Thi...

Becoming unemployed is the perfect recipe to crawl into a ball and spend your days doing nothing. If you want to watch season four of The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air, start-to-finish, bring plenty of popcorn. If you want to eat an entire half-gallon of ice cream, don’t forget the hot fudge. If you feel like a beer at 10:00am, enjoy! If you are looking for a challenge, do them all at the same time. Of course, if you feel like crying, there’s time for that too. I, have done all of those, including the crying. Fortunately, for me and my Calvins, my mornings have taken on a new schedule. Working out. As you might imagine, based on my references to ice cream and beer in the AM, you won’t be seeing any pictures of me in GQ anytime soon. That being said, instead of sleeping in until Noon and not getting dressed until 2, I have chosen the Gym as my new workplace. By 8am every weekday morning, I’m in the gym doing my 60-minutes on the eliptical machine -- even though the limit is 30. I’...